FB use spells disaster (or tries to)

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Posted 8/16/16 (Tue)

What A Joke
By John Bayer

The great thing about Facebook is that it allows you to reconnect with people you’ve lost touch with over the years. Of course, after about five minutes of looking at what they post, you realize why you decided to lose touch in the first place.
Everybody is always so mad on Facebook. People get up in arms about who should be allowed to use which bathroom. People fight about whether Hillary is more terrible than Donald or whether Donald is more terrible than Hillary. 
We have become the Society of Outrage. We used to get on Facebook to see what our friends were up to. Then we started logging on to see what was going on in the world. Now that has morphed into looking at Facebook to answer the question, “What am I offended by today?”
Well, I’m offended too. I’m offended that everyone seems to have abandoned the English language. When did people forget how to spell?
I know English is hard, but let’s put a little effort into it. “Lightning” and “lightening” are two different words. When you write “I’m afraid of lightening,” you’re telling me you’re afraid of things becoming less dark.
A complimentary lunch is a free meal. A complementary lunch is a meal that goes well with something else.
And there are only 12 Americans left who can even come close to spelling the word “definitely.” I will scream if I have to read one more time that “Julie is defiantly coming to the party.” (If she’s going to have that attitude about the party, maybe she just shouldn’t come.)
Have you seen those traffic signs that read, “Slow Children Playing?” Whenever I’m in a car with my father and he sees one of those signs, he says, “If my children were slow, I certainly wouldn’t advertise it.” This sign is in desperate need of punctuation – “Slow: Children Playing.”
Facebook is like that sign times a billion. I know someone who never put periods between her sentences. Reading her posts is like a little game, trying to decipher where one thought ends and the next begins.
A friend once lamented on Facebook about her inability to break into the entertainment industry. Another friend replied, “You’re going to make it big lady.” 
Left to our own devices to add a comma, we have two options. “You’re going to make it big, lady” is a lovely note of encouragement. “You’re going to make it, big lady” is still encouraging, but also slightly insulting.
Proper grammar and punctuation is the difference between “Let’s eat Grandma” and “Let’s eat, Grandma.” Can we start taking pride in what we write again? Grandma’s life may depend on it.