A bird of a different feather

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Posted 1/19/16 (Tue)

What A Joke
By John Bayer

I have good news, North Dakotans. I’m back!
You might remember that I lived in North Dakota between July 2012 and September 2013. Well, I just moved back; and you’ll have a whole six months to enjoy my presence.
Some of you are asking “why only six months?” (Others are asking, “could you make it three?)
As much as I love North Dakota, I’m a nomad at heart. I get antsy if I stay in one place for too long. In my adult life I’ve bounced around from Arizona to Indiana back to Arizona to Virginia to California to North Dakota back to California back to Arizona and now back to North Dakota. 
I didn’t flit around like this as a kid. My entire childhood was lived in the same house on Milton Road in Tucson, Ariz.
Even though the Bayers weren’t nomads, we knew lots of them. Every winter, tons of travelers would pour in from the north, settling into all of the empty houses in the neighborhood. Five months later – as soon as the thermostat hit 80 degrees – these gypsies would pack up and head back north, not to be seen again for another six months.
We call these people snowbirds. Snowbirds are usually older, retired folks. They own two homes – one in the north, one in the south. Snowbirds move around to avoid extreme temperatures. 
I’m not a snowbird. I don’t have the money to retire. The only way I can buy two homes is to cheat in Monopoly. Also, I got here at the wrong time. I’m spending winter in North Dakota. When summer rolls around, I’m going to Arizona. I’m running toward the terrible weather instead of away from it. 
I’m what you could call a “reverse snowbird.” A Dribwons.
There are advantages to being a dribwons. For one thing, traffic is lighter. With all those snowbirds on the other end of the country, there’s more room for us dribwons to move around. That will come in real handy if I ever have money to buy a car.
Active people do not make good dribwons. In the winter, it’s too cold to do anything; in the summer, it’s too hot. That’s not a problem for me. Those who know me well know that my favorite thing to do in all the world is nothing. Now, I always have a legitimate excuse for my laziness.
I’m looking forward to spending time with friends and having new adventures here in North Dakota. Once that ice melts, though, this dribwons is out of here!